Non-Jews are for practice
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
