I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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