I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
