I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
