He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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