I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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