I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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