i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
