you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
