Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
