I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
