Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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