this beer tastes like vomit already
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
