I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
