Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize