Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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