i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
