Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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