and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
