Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
