Well douche your snatch and let's go!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
