My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
