cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
