I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
