nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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