Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
