I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
