someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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