Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
