There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
