Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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