wakey wakey hands off snakey
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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