The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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