he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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