Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize