East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think my vagina is haunted
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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