if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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