I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize