So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
