Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
