maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
