how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
