does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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