Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
