Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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