Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
too bad you live with your parents still
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
