I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
