let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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