I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm gonna have a badass scar
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
