i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
