I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
pray to the hookup gods
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
