I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
