Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
