I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
