I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
