What did we do last night that was yellow?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize