Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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