im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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