forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
