I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
is wine microwaveable?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Text me some of your sweat
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
