is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
