When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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