I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
