Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
