i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize