The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
