Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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