I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We don't watch enough power rangers
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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