FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
