On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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