I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
foreskin is a definite game changer
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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