I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
