Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize