i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Randomize
