I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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