it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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