i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
