I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
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