I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
