I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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