You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
