That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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