You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
