New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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