When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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