She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
