Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she woke up with a sticky ear
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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