I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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