That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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