Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
