Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
